i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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