what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
