Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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