You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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