you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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