why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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