He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
