Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
