just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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