my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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