i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
