Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He passed out mid-signature
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
