I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize