we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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