She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
