His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
