I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
