i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just tell him i said nine months
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
