so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
