Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
