But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
