You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
