My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
