I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
