Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
