i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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