Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
