I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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