I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
