we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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