my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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