The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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