Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
