yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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