Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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