When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
