Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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