Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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