every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
