why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
