Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I did not marry a roomba.
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