are you so shy because you have an std?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
