can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
