just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
