dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize