Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
