My balls are so social today.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
