I could make wine with my vomit
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
