my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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