I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
