somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
