We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we made out on top of his cat.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize