I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
