I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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