woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
