i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
