im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
