Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
