Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
