and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
