After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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