Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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