She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
