she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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