If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
