Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
