nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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