Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Rumble strips road head = magical
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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